My fault, I know. I've never really been any good at keeping a proper journal. Keep trying, though. That's got to count for something.

Not quite one and a half years since I started this one. Long enough to consider a few things.

Long enough to realize some others.

When I started this, I figured I'd use it for Second Life. Someplace to comment about things I did inworld; maybe a few comments about my offline self. An expansion for the Twitter I'd started the month before (which I've posted to far more often; 140 characters must be less intimidating to my mind). Somewhere to declare that I am Aleyn Howlett, and I exist in some form or another.

Then in August, I flew up to Vancouver (a trip I'd been wanting to make since I was 15) for Creation's Supernatural Convention (autographs and photo ops with the boys? Triple fudge icing on the cake). Got off the plane and took ages to get through Immigration, chatting in line with another attendee. End of the line in sight, and we finally got around to introductions-

"...Oh, I'm Karen*."

It wasn't what I'd meant to say. I'd opened my mouth, expecting to give my real name, but... odd thing was, it felt like I had.


So for the rest of the trip, I introduced myself as Aleyn; at the auction, my one karaoke performance, quite a few fan discussions between the Q&A sessions or waiting in the photo lines. The girl writing out the post-its for the personalized autographs. The nice older lady out walking her dog, who let me share her park bench when I was running around trying to squeeze in as much sightseeing as I could my last day there. The fellow behind the bar at The Irish Heather that night, who (since I had to use my credit card for the meal) I admitted my legal name to first, adding that I was changing it.

By the time I'd returned home, I had started debating whether or not that last part was true.

I spent most of the next year debating that, actually. Still using the legal one for classes, official things... but at social gatherings, volunteer work, making new friends-

"Hi. I'm Aleyn."

And here we are. 2011.

Time to start whatever I'm determined to accomplish.

Time for a change.

*Not her name... I think. Truth told, I can't remember. *winces* Sorry, if you're reading this.


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Aleyn Howlett
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